June 26th 2010: One Year Old!

Before Cake

After Cake

Daniel gets a Pony for his Birthday

Emily always expesses how I feel

I measure every grief I meet
With analytic eyes;
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
It feels so old a pain.

I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if they have to try,
And whether, could they choose between,
They would not rather die.

I wonder if when years have piled--
Some thousands--on the cause
Of early hurt, if such a lapse
Could give them any pause;

Or would they go on aching still
Through centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger pain
By contrast with the love.

The grieved are many, I am told;
The reason deeper lies,--
Death is but one and comes but once
And only nails the eyes.

There's grief of want, and grief of cold,--
A sort they call 'despair,'
There's banishment from native eyes,
In sight of native air.

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,

To note the fashions of the cross
Of those that stand alone
Still fascinated to presume
That some are like my own.


- Emily Dickinson

The adventures of an unattended child

I confess. I routinely allow Daniel to roam around on his own for a few minutes at a time. Usually I hear his handiwork as he plays, and I come to check up on him quite often, but perhaps not often enough. These are the adventures of an unattended child, and the confessions of his neglectful mother.

 Daniel seems pretty pleased with himself. Donald Duck would be proud.

Hiding under the bed.

 

Stuck for a moment.

All smiles again. 

He has discovered the cupboard doors. 

The adventures have been cute up until now. Perhaps I have become to comfortable leaving him alone for a little while. On Sunday I came into Church with my arms full: Daniel, Church Bag, Diaper bag. I sat Daniel down while I hung up my coat. I decided to leave him for a second (OK more like 40 seconds) to drop off a few items in a near-by room. Of course a family would come in just as I walked away and see my child calmly sitting all alone in the corner of the coat room. I felt sure this family now knows me as that neglectful mom who left her child in the coat room.

Then yesterday I allowed Daniel to free range around the living room floor while we went about our business, but keeping him in eye sight. Later I took him to his room to change him and found this in his mouth. It once said: "Never leave child unattended." I wonder when I will find the rest of the label.

Apparently I should have read this warning on Sunday.

And this morning Daniel decided not to be my human alarm clock. I woke up at 7:30, the same time I should have been at work, and hear him quietly playing in his room. That should have tipped me off straight away because lately he screams for his bottle when he wakes. When I went in to say good morning to him I see him playing with this: 

Apparently this was left affixed to his changing pad which is at the end of his crib.

Maybe this will be a wake up call, but maybe not. To be honest, no harm has been done...yet.

Desligue a tv e vá ler um livro.

My Parenting magazine tells me that exposure to artificial light at night, such as TV or computer screen (even if you are sleeping) may contribute to symptoms of depression. Huh. That could explain a few things.... "Ohio State University scientists suspect that interference with the biological clock's natural rhythm could play a role in feelings of depression."

But I also see a few other possibilities. Let's see: falling asleep in front of the TV? Spending lot's of time on the computer at night? I would say people are depressed before they sit down in front of said "artificial light". In addition, the activities of watching TV and being on the computer are (most likely) to be idle pursuits which dull the mind and kill the senses. I know I feel depressed after wasting time doing nothing. When instead I could have been doing something worthy of my precious time.


So I am going to turn of the tv/computer and go read a book. That's what MTV channel told me one day. And what was I doing during a perfectly beautiful day in Porto Alegre, Brasil? Watching TV when I could have been sitting out in the sun reading a book.

Sleepyness explained

For the past few weeks I have been so tired. I wake up wanting to sleep a few more hours (no matter how much or little sleep I get). I nod off at my desk all day. Feel exhausted after carrying Daniel and all of our bags from the car into the house (it's really not that far). And then I can't get to sleep at bedtime. Go figure.

So my doctor says the constant fatigue is because of an iron deficiency anemia and an under active thyroid. Gee and I thought it was because I work, and have a 7 month old, and responsibilities with my calling at church, and a home to keep in order, and an exam to study for, and, and and....

Welcome to Watertown, where red is the new yellow.

According to driversed.com:

TRAFFIC SIGNALS

 GREEN—A green light means GO, but you must first let any vehicles, bicycles, or pedestrians remaining in the intersection get through before you move ahead.

YELLOW—A yellow signal light warns you that the red signal is about to appear. When you see the yellow light, you should stop, if you can do so safely. If you can't stop, look out for vehicles that may enter the intersection when the light changes.

RED—A red signal light means STOP. 

According to drivers in Watertown, NY

GREEN—A green light means GO so get the heck out of the way everyone because I have the green light.

YELLOW—A yellow signal light means eventually the light will turn red. When you see the yellow light, you should speed up and tailgate the person in front of you to get through the light.

RED—A red signal light means a car behind you will need to stop. 

Welcome to Watertown, where red is the new yellow. Can you tell it irritates me when people violate traffic laws?

Happier than before

The other day I had a small transformation. Instead of feeling empty and detached (as I had been feeling for several days) I felt energized, happy and motivated. The cause for this transformation? I decided I want to be happy and have peace in my life. And I want to send this message to all the women in my life: you CAN find happiness and peace in your circumstance.

I'll be posting more thoughts later. In the meantime read the suggestions below from Elder M. Russell Ballard Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints from his talk Daughters of God given in May 2008.

The first question: What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?

First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.

Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it.

Fourth, pray, study, and teach the gospel. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, “We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised.”

Chore assignments

James and I are slowly trying to improve the organization of our home. We now have a nursery (instead of a nursery/computer room). This meant we (I mean James) had to do a lot of rearranging. James has a knack for rearranging a room. Now we just need to find a new home for some displaced books and such.

We now have chore "assignments" meaning it is primarily James' job to do the dishes and it is primarily my job to to the laundry. And of course it is more than ok for us to pitch in and help with the other chores when we are up to it.

It is beginning to make a difference in our home. There is less stress and contention because we know who is expected to do what. And since James is home on winter break he has time to do extra cleaning around the house. It was wonderful to come home yesterday to a clutter-free and vacuumed home. ...not sure where the clutter went, but I cant even think of what the clutter consisted of, so I don't really care where it went to.

Daniel is doing a great job working on his chores too: he wakes with a smile, gives us an hour before he starts to yell. He chews on everything letting us know more teeth are coming. He is getting bigger so that we can give away his 3-6 month clothes. He is eating anything we give him and so he can share it with us later in his own way. And best of all he sleeps 12 hours at night (and sometimes he will wake up once to eat and go right back to sleep).

Now all I need to do is get myself to bed so I can take advantage of this.